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Month: March, 2007

Suffering Chickens

by Scott Smith

This morning I killed another chicken. I’ve lost count. Maybe 60 chickens. These hurt, though. Pollack escaped from the pasture, killing four chickens and leaving four others so wounded I had to finish them off.

Poor Doris. Poor Trick Chicken.

It was all my fault. I should have brought the dogs in before leaving for the store. I should have pounded a t-post into the ground next to the gate. Pollack is strong and skinny. Should of… should of…

Laura had called me while I was out and said it was horrible. She was right. Feathers everywhere. Four dead birds in the coop. The ducks escaped damage; I’m guessing the chief male duck confronted Pollack. He has seen one duck die and another nearly strangled to death. He confronts the dogs, chases Jack around the cars and generally let’s it be known no ducks will be hurt on his watch.

I only wish I had his sense of responsibility.

I failed those eight birds.

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Satire done well

by Scott Smith

I’m no friend of satire, but Mike Judge does it right. By now everyone has seen Office Space. His last film, Idiocracy, nearly matches the former in genius. The premise is smart people are having fewer babies and dumb asses are having too many babies. The result: A man of average intelligence in 2005 would be the smartest man in the world 500 years later. I loved the chart of the world’s IQ declining steadily.

Judge pokes at advertising. Several characters tag their conversations with ‘brought to you by Carl’s Jr.’ because they get paid. The big screen tv has a 13 inch viewing area with its borders containing ads. Several US Government agencies have been sold to large consumer brands, resulting in Gatorade replacing water everywhere except for the toilet. Apparently, Carl’s Jr. acts as both the nation’s food source and provides children protective services.

I thought of this movie last night while Robinson and I watched ‘Dateline.’ We don’t normally watch tv, but the NCAA tournament is on, and I’ve been enjoying it despite the announcers (there’s something odd about a bunch of guys nearing 90 broadcasting college games).

While I snuck outside for a smoke, Robinson flipped to NBC. There was Dateline reporting (cough, cough) on a group of moronic teenagers in East Moline, Illinois. Now, why everyone on the episode spoke like they’re from western Kentucky, I’ll never know. Anyway, I come walking back in and hear “bi-curious and bi-sexual girls.”

Hmmm. Well, I’ll catch-up on the score during commercial breaks.

As we’re watching, I couldn’t help but make comparisons to ‘Idiocracy.’ The beady-eyed boy who claims the girls were really fighting over him (NBC would cut to photos of him with a Michael Jackson hair-do only blond). The reporter would ask him a question about his disturbing behavior and the kid usually responded: “We we’re high.”

Reporter: What did you do after burning and dismembering the body?
Beady-eye Boy: We went to McDonald’s.
Reporter: How could you?
Beady-eye Boy: We were high, man. We were smoking, like, all day.
Reporter: What did you have?
Beady-eye Boy: Double-cheese burger.

Of course, the girl’s murder happened in the middle of the day in front of a Taco Bell.

I think Mike Judge jumped a few centuries too far into the future.

Mlive.com is pathetic

by Scott Smith

In this part of Michigan, you have to do your job searches with mlive.com. A typical online newspaper. Not as bad as the Sun-Times, but pretty bad (at least mlive loads fast).

I’m doing my weekly job search and an annoying Dell ad pops up. You know the type, the one that floats and you either have to wait for it to finish its animation or click the close button. I close it. The jobs link doesn’t work.

Ok, I’ll let it finish its animation — reload the page. Still, the link doesn’t work. Close the tab and open a new tab. Same problem.

Are you telling me it isn’t Firefox compatible now? That’s exactly the problem. I suppose their developers use IE6 and IE7. That’s a bad sign. You test on IE6 and IE7, you don’t use it.

All this trouble and the search results for computer work was much the same — medical (RN, LPN, etc). Apparently, we’re a sick bunch here in this corner of Michigan. At least our local economy has one growth industry.

It’s a bird… It’s a plane…

by Scott Smith

It’s a large flock of birds that might run and hide when they see a dog coming but they’re not taking any nonsense off of some random, neighborhood cat.
superchicken.jpg
Scott called me out to see the chickens and ducks go on an offensive against a Tabby that had been on top of the “neighbor’s” pump house and was showing a little too much interest in the birds. The cat ran away before I could get a picture and the birds were starting to disperse.

Do I buy the used Lexus or the 3br 2bath home?

by Scott Smith

From Boing Boing

Detroit houses selling for less than cars

Houses in Detroit are selling for less than new cars:

Folks, the ground underneath the house goes with it. You do know that, right?” he offered.

After selling house after house in the Motor City for less than the $29,000 it costs to buy the average new car, the auctioneer tried a new line: “The lumber in the house is worth more than that!”

Link (via MeFi)

Update:
From the same article: “At a weekend sale of about 300 Detroit-area houses by Texas-based auction firm Hudson & Marshall, the mood was marked more by fear than greed.”

They couldn’t even find a Michigan-based auction company to sell the foreclosed homes?

Chapter 2, in which Mr. ‘Possum visits the Duck House *extremely graphic*

by Scott Smith

That means you probably shouldn’t look, Coleman.
Read the rest of this entry »

Bigger Problems… or, Scott does battle with a ‘possum

by Scott Smith

The dogs have been barking off and on all afternoon, and being paranoid about the neighbor’s dog we kept poking our heads out to see if he was here. Well, I finally decided it was time to stop being stressed about the dog and go try to close up the birds a little early…

This is who I found….

And this is what he was doing…

Of course, Scott had gone to the store, so I just got my pictures taken. When Scott got back he got Mr. ‘Possum out of the hen house…

It was a battle of epic proportions.

Latest list of those who do not worry about power bills

by Scott Smith

USA Today printed the Forbes list of billionaires. Who’d ever think there were so many. I stopped reading at 230 or so.

My favorite:

273. John Simplot and family, Idaho, 98, $3.2, potatoes, microchips

Those folks got it figured out.

I didn’t see any chicken shack billionaires. A little shocking.

What to Do?

by Scott Smith

There is a dog that lives across the road from us. He has now visited our property and done damage at least 4 separate times. The first time he dislocated the rooster’s leg making him forever the Gimpy Bird, he plucked Doris’s feathers and her back is still bald, he killed one of the Crazy White Hens a couple of weeks ago, and today he hurt one of my beloved Runner Ducks. He got one of the males and by the look of the yard he beat the crap out of it for a while. I found a lot of interesting impressions in the snow and some blood spatter.

Normally I can’t catch the ducks by myself, but the duck that was attacked today was easy since he was in shock when I found him. He has several deep punctures which Scott and I treated with iodine. He’s been returned to the flock. We’ll see how he does. I think the fact that it is cold gives him a fighting chance since there are no flies to lay eggs in his wounds.

When the dog killed one of the hens I got angry and called animal control. Since then the dog owners have at least been good about coming and getting their dog (now dogs) when it (now they) get out. I was hoping that would be enough. I’ve gone out twice to help the kid because the new dog doesn’t seem to even have a collar so I take him a leash and he brings it back when he’s done. I asked him today if the dog got to any of the birds and he said “no.” Maybe he hadn’t seen.

I really like allowing my birds to free range (they find a lot of their own food in warm weather which makes the eggs wonderful), but I think we are going to have to seriously consider putting up some good, solid fencing… or buy a gun. We can’t afford to do either right now.
injuredduck.jpg
Here is the duck after we treated his wounds.

It’s back — more tooth talk

by Scott Smith

The damn tooth infection has returned. Apparently, good works — brushing, rinsing and flossing daily — do not get you into tooth heaven.

Another damn week of amoxicilin. Look forward to whiny Twitter posts about how much my stomach hurts.