Clearance for the Coach

by Scott Smith

My parents are visiting on Friday. They’ll have their coach with them, which means I had to clear some branches. The original plan was to use the chainsaw, but I couldn’t operate it with one hand while clinging to the ladder.

Yes, ladder. I believe pros do not use a ladder and for good reason. Large, heavy branches tend to fall where your ladder is. I hand-sawed the branches. The first branch somersaulted and banged into my ladder. The second and third branches were removed from a larger branch. Robinson mentioned something about that branch perhaps lifting up when I finished sawing off its smaller branches — this never occurred to me. No harm though. I was just pooped from all that sawing.

Robinson asked if I was done so she can go inside, and I said yes. Only, there was one last branch that could be in the coach’s path. It was a big one. I smoked a few more cigarettes and finished off another Diet Dr Pepper. It came crashing down. I wish she had the camera on me while I was sawing. I believe my expression would have defined fear. The man in the photo defines stupidity.